The Birthdate Reader Talk Show

Hi Everyone.

Welcome to The Birthdate Reader Talk Show. My name is Miriam, and thank you for stopping by my pod cast site.

It has been an emotional roller coaster ride since the start of New Year 2010 for me.

At the risk of sounding whiny, I’ll spare you the entire up & down coaster ridden details that I’ve encountered, to include my computer clunking out on me recently (I’m typing, or should I say ‘pecking’ this Post on my son’s netbook [UGH - I love and miss my full-size keyboard!]); my son’s car accident; my daughter giving birth to her first child and my first grandbaby; missing out on attending my old neighborhood’s annual reunion, AGAIN, this past August; not enjoying the luxury of living in Jurassic Park style due to my lawn mower’s mechanical mental breakdown; attempting to keep up with the many irons I have in the fire involving my social network sites/blogs/birthdate readings, and maintaining this podcast on a regular basis, just to name a few.

In spite of some of these life annoyances or events, I Am TRULY Bless! My son is alive and well. My daughter birthed a beautiful healthy baby. My husband and my other daughter are doing well. I continue to re-connect with [my] old neighborhood friends & classmates. I get to see and help take care of my only grandson on a regular basis.  My husband and children love me.  And despite the fact that my land is starting to resemble a great likeness to the movie “Jurassic Park,” at least I can happily say that I do not have any dinosaurs, mammoth-size reptiles, or a crazy rich White man yearning to “clone” critters, such as possum, raccoons, flying grasshoppers, and rabbits that are found around here where I live!

Yes, you read it correctly . . . FLYING GRASSHOPPERS!  Winged spread creatures that fly around as if they were birds of a feather flocking together preparing to head South for the Winter. The problem is that they’re already in the South . . . South Carolina! Where I come from grasshoppers “hop,” which is perhaps why these annoying pests are called grasshoppers! They hop their ass in the grass. Simple logic. Nothing profound.

And to add insult to injury, a torrential rain storm that occurs every two or more decades came about in the mid to latter 90‘s, which is when I learned about the “Palmetto Bug.” As you may, or may not know, the State of South Carolina is known as the ‘Palmetto’ state, and its bug is a freaking water bug!!!

Now, I understand fully about God's creatures having purpose and all, but when you find out that one of His creatures, namely the water bug has WINGS, this is where I draw the line about bugs having purposeful meaning! Plain and simple!

THE "NO STANDING ON LINES" STORES!

Ordinarily, I don’t question the wondrous works of God as a whole. HE is the Master. HE is the Greatest of all planners. But I’m not feeling Him about this “winged-tip water bug that comes out at night having the nerve to spread its wings as if I was disturbing him frightening the shit out of me when I turn on the lights in the bathroom to take a piss in MY house!

I’m not a scientist, nor am I an expert on bugs.  But something went horribly wrong between the Southeastern region of the United and the Northeastern region because I’m from Bronx, New York - born, reared, and nurtured.  And I’m telling you that there were NO wings on grasshoppers, water bugs, roaches, rodents, or any other insect with the exception of known insects that suppose to have wings, such as house flies, mosquitoes, butterflies, moths, gnats - you know - your common garden variety of bugs that were normal, accepted, and embraced by us Human Beings as God’s creatures on Earth!

But the bugs in SOUTH CAROLINA?  Even the average native South Carolinian cringe at these abominable looking deviants!

I am often asked the question “So, what brought you to South Carolina?” And I reply without hesitation, “Stupidity!” But I digress.

Don’t get me wrong . . . S.C is alright, as long as you don’t have any pine trees nearby your house, which is where these flying water bugs like to hang out and about. I learned about this bit of info from an expert on bugs, who was on the radio explaining what people needed to do, or in my case, not to do, in order to keep these nasty looking creatures away from your home. One of the suggestions given was to NOT clean your house with Pinesol, for example, or anything of the same ilk because of the pine oil content, which attract these filthy nasty looking m-f’krs into your house.  Especially after a heavy down pour of rain!

But as far as I was concerned at that time, I felt that this information was a dollar short because I was already battling with these wise ass winged-harbored bugs who terrorized my family and I on a nightly basis.  As a matter of fact they got so bold that they would prowl around during the daylight hours, but their arrogance got the best of them - it seems that they are sluggish and slow during the day. They’re a lot like bats, or any other nocturnal pest. And yes, even vampires! Hell, the “True Blood” television series need to introduce these annihilating nocturnal bugs on the show, or perhaps film an episode in S.C. to present a clearer picture illustrating my past anguish with these bugs.

As far as ANY household product on the market that contains pine oil, no matter how slight an amount of pine oil there might be in the product, I will not buy it to this day! Now, I don’t begrudge my Sister who helps to promote the Pinesol product on the t.v. commercials, which is nationally seen in the U.S., and possibly, it may be seen abroad. She’s getting paid! She is a ‘household brand’ who is working, and I say KUDOES to her! She’s doing her thing, and I love it when I see people doing well in life. They’re Bless to have been bestowed unto them a talent- a gift, so that he or she can provide for self and their family.

But baby, the POWER of ANYTHING ’PINE’ is NOT welcomed in my house! You can forget that!

But AMMONIA?  Now we’re getting somewhere! Clear or lemon-scented - makes no difference to me. I get my spray bottle - fill it with ammonia and a small amount of water- put the spray nozzle on ‘stream’ - aim at my target - and DESTROY the enemy!  That’s right!  No more wise ass arrogant nasty filthy dirty flying m-f’kers creeping up on my Black ass at night spreading their wings and swelling up their chest cavity up-in-here like they’re paying bills!  Oh hell no!  I ain’t havin’ it!  THIS IS MY HOUSE, DAMMIT!  I’m from The Bronx!  I will not be punked by Palmetto bugs, nor by any other Palmetto insect! It’s my duty as a mother to protect my young from domestic clawed-winged terrorists!

Undoubtedly, it is evident that my past experience dealing with the flying water bugs have left a bad taste in my mouth, figuratively speaking of course.  And yes, the choice of language used in this podcast post to depict my woes relating to the unjust intrusion by the flying water bugs can be described as being shameful on my part.

Therefore, if you feel that my written outburst have offended you in any way, please allow me to take this time to say the following in the most humbling way I can:

Until you have personally experienced dealing with these disgusting ugly looking winged-span creatures that makes the creatures in the movie “Mimic” look like Walt Disney’s “Jiminy Cricket,“ AND until you have personally & directly aimed a can of bug spray of the highest order with concentrated chemicals toward their path only to be unscathed and have them retaliate by FLYING toward you to attack your person leaving you to flee for safety, AND until you have been taunted nightly with their inherent arrogance challenging you to approach them with ANYTHING that remotely looks like a weapon to harm and maim their souls, THEN, AND ONLY THEN, is when you can expound your views about my manner of language used detailing the horrors of the Palmetto Bugs!  And for the record: Despite the fancy name ’Palmetto Bugs,” they are still nothing more than miserable no-good spineless intolerable pieces of shit water bugs with wings! And the same sentiment applies toward the leaping grasshoppers also - just to be clear.

Happily, I can say that I have not dealt with flying water bugs, yet, for about a little more than a decade now, but it does seem like yesterday at times when I think about it, which is seldom. Although my delight is bliss, and the fact that I moved away from the town that plagued my existence with these unwanted guests, such an experience is one of the reasons why my husband and I decided to build a new house in the hopes of not ever having to undergo such an ordeal again.

However, this is South Carolina. The Palmetto State hosting Palmetto Bugs. The likelihood of reliving the episodic adventures with the water bugs is . . . well, inevitable to say the least.

Suffice to say, I’ve just learned via the local news on the t.v. that S.C. have coyotes! Now, life as I know it living in S.C. is bad enough knowing that there are alligators, bears, deer, possums, raccoons, foxes, bobcats, and now, coyotes.

Unlike one of my sisters who had an alligator roll up onto her land, I’ve yet to have one come nearby me, or on my property. My sister is also from the Bronx. She, too, live in S.C. not far from me, and she is still living in her home, despite the alligator sighting. I’ve got nothing but respect for her, and her husband, to ’stand ye still.’

On the other hand, the day I see a gator, bear, coyote, or anything remotely resembles an animal that I know belongs in the zoo roll-up onto my land, I’m out of here! There is nothing to discuss! The Palmetto state, its bugs, and its people can kiss my entire Black ass for sure! I am NOT Sarah Palin! I will shoot first, and move right after I run out of bullets! You can believe that! I am known to have the ability to move out of a three-story house with my furniture and all in a window time of 1-hour! And I’ve got a lot of furniture - heavy pieces. Just let me find out that there is a black bear, brown bear, polar bear, coyote, gator, lion, or buffalo roaming around here . . . I will beat my own record, and move out of this mug in 30 minutes flat - give or take a few seconds! Bottom line: You’ve got to know when to hold them and know when to fold them!

The reality about this scenario I put forth explaining my abrupt leave-of-absence from this state, if such an occurrence comes to fruition, is that the aforementioned four-legged animals can be, and IS considered to be ‘harmless’ compared to the two-legged animal we call ’Man!’

The truth of the matter is that the four-legged animals do not have the ability to rob you at gun point. The four-legged animal do not have the ability to molest and rape our children. They are not posted on a predatory list along with other sexual deviants. Despite my sarcasm, it is the two-legged animal known as Man whom we need to watch every step of the way.

The U.S.A. may not be the United Kingdom in Europe, but it can be deemed as behaving like ’wild kingdom of the West’ with various types of predatory men & women behaving greedy, manipulative, selfish, deceitful, arrogant, heartless, devious, and last but not least, ungodly.

Well, it is time to head on out. I’ll leave this bit of revelation for another time.

Thank you for stopping by. It will be some time before I will provide audible pod-casting shows for you to listen due to my computer clunking out on me, thus leaving my capabilities limited for now.

In the meantime, please take advantage of my Links [located on the right side of this page] on my podcast site. In many cases there is Free Shipping, and with every purchase, you will save a lot of money shopping at these online stores.

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Peace & Blessings,

Miriam.